RANSVESTIA

important to me. After all, my body has the shape and characteristics of Adam, even though my soul is configured like Eve's. I don't think that I could manage a full-time Eve, even though I frequently make sounds that say "I wish I could."

I probably have the best of all worlds right now. Brother's wife accepts me and I can come and go whenever I want. We still play a little game as if I were dressing to please her, a kind of home enter- tainment, but we all know that she is not the principal beneficiary.

I find, though, that even though I can do things today that would have been unthinkable five years ago, it is not enough. Each plateau in my growth as a woman seems to be comfortable for a while and then some inner sense yearns for more. This morning I am wishing that I could go outside and sit in my garden. I don't really understand why I can't, except that the neighbors would see me there and not understand. Really, I would like to go ourside into the garden and be able to visit with the neighbors. I need other human and understand- ing companionship besides brother's wife. It's a need, and it scares me because brother has worked too hard to be able to risk misunder- standing or ridicule. His position is such that an image broken could destroy the life that he has built for us.

I read Feinbloom's book hoping that she would tell me that people of brother's professional and social stature belonged to Argus. She didn't, and I got a sense of a shoddy gathering, cheap and furtive.

As I have read Transvestia over the years, it has always seemed quite different. The pictures have been taken in pleasant and clean places and the stories and letters tell of mixed gatherings of FP's and GG's. It sounds honest and real.

I have also noted the absence of members from Tennessee and that is a concern as I begin to make the move to seek membership in the sorority. I am sure that there must be others here in Memphis, but I can find no evidence of it. If I could see even one picture of a Tennessee meeting, preferably Memphis, then I think that I could summon up the courage to tell you brother's name and address.

I know you can't help, but this letter-writing is therapeutic and helps me to organize my thinking about where I am and where I ought to go.

5.3